Let’s look at how complex my thoughts have been these past few days, shall we?
In no specific order, here are some of my thoughts:
- I really need to work on my bullet journal.
- Wow, it’s taken me 3 days to finish this one movie. At least it’s good.
- I want to die.
- Depression is the fucking worst.
- Functional depression is the most dangerous type of depression, and here I am as functional as I can be yet crying alone in my room.
- I should tell my parents.
- I’ve told 4 people.
- Why am I so stupid. I know better. Depression can’t defeat me.
- I should kill myself.
Oh, and this morning, I thought about going to my parent’s for the 4th but my depressive mind was all, “Nah, you’ll just cry.”
2 hours later, after waking up from a nap and feeling better, I regretted not visiting.
The thing is, it doesn’t really get to me? The thoughts about dying anyway. I quickly dismiss them as soon as I think them because that’s not really what I want.
So, in a way, I’m fine.