Ramblings · Uncategorized

Depression: my own mind turned enemy.

Let’s look at how complex my thoughts have been these past few days, shall we?

In no specific order, here are some of my thoughts:

  • I really need to work on my bullet journal.
  • Wow, it’s taken me 3 days to finish this one movie. At least it’s good.
  • I want to die.
  • Depression is the fucking worst.
  • Functional depression is the most dangerous type of depression, and here I am as functional as I can be yet crying alone in my room.
  • I should tell my parents.
  • I’ve told 4 people.
  • Why am I so stupid. I know better. Depression can’t defeat me.
  • I should kill myself.

Oh, and this morning, I thought about going to my parent’s for the 4th but my depressive mind was all, “Nah, you’ll just cry.”

2 hours later, after waking up from a nap and feeling better, I regretted not visiting.

The thing is, it doesn’t really get to me? The thoughts about dying anyway. I quickly dismiss them as soon as I think them because that’s not really what I want.

So, in a way, I’m fine.

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